


i tried to get it off my mind

by cheddarabbit



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Ambassador Sokka, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Dreams, Fire Lord Zuko, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Love Confessions, M/M, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:21:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26734276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheddarabbit/pseuds/cheddarabbit
Summary: Sokka was laughing at Zuko’s bad jokes, laying on his back on a blanket. Zuko sat next to him, and he was drinking a drink that he couldn’t recognize. But it didn’t matter. He was with Sokka, and they were happy. Together.It was sudden when Sokka pulled on his arm and made a move to kiss him. Zuko acted natural, leaning down and kissing him as if he had kissed him a thousand times. The sand was warm beneath their blanket, and the sun was shining. The world grew warmer when their lips met, if it was even possible, Sokka’s lips as soft as Zuko ever imagined them being.And when his eyes opened, and he was awake, and he was back in his bed, he realized that that was all it was. His imagination.———In which Sokka is an ambassador for the Southern Water Tribe, and Zuko deals with feelings he’s avoided a thousand times before, only this time, he gets the courage to act on them.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 368





	i tried to get it off my mind

**Author's Note:**

> title from "rue" by girl in red
> 
> support the fic on tumblr [here!](https://zukkastanrights.tumblr.com/post/630783117171589120/i-tried-to-get-it-off-my-mind-cheddarabbit)

Fire Lord Zuko was a fine ruler. A damn fine one.

Once he had convinced his people that he wanted what was best for them, the pieces fell into place for him to be a trusted and respected member of the Fire Nation.

He would never be used to the stares he got when he left the palace. He would never be used to hearing people call him “Lord Zuko” or anything other than just his name. He would never be used to hearing the Fire Nation citizens tell him that he had changed their lives—for the better. His heart still swelled when he heard that.

Yes, Zuko was a lucky man. He was a proud man.

It had been ten years since he became Fire Lord. He was only sixteen then; he had recently turned twenty-six, and if he were honest, he never thought that he would make it that far. The banished prince? The burn victim? The unloved son? How would anyone like that make it to _eighteen_ , let alone twenty-six? 

But he had made it. He had overcome the odds. His father, Ozai, the manipulative and abusive bastard, was rotting in a prison cell. His sister, Azula, once his enemy and coming around, had been getting the help she needed. His closest friends, Aang and Katara and Toph and Suki, were living out their lives to the fullest potential. Sokka was an ambassador for the Southern Water Tribe, frequently coming by the Fire Nation to “make sure that the tribe benefited from the new rule.” In other words, he and Zuko spent long hours together, both working together to benefit both races and catch up on their respective lives.

Zuko cared very deeply for Sokka. There was no denying it.

When Sokka was around, any worries he felt about his position of power dissipated. His smile was enough to put him at ease. He found himself even joking with his friend more often. He was a welcome relief from the stress that came from being the Fire Lord, even if things had calmed down significantly.

As it were, Sokka was due to arrive at the palace to stay in a guest room for the month, continuing to make sure that things went well. It had been a while since they had discussed trade routes between the Fire Nation and the Southern Water Tribe, so it was due time for a visit to make sure they were still working out.

Zuko had been sitting in the throne room, free of the intimidating flames that frequented it when his father ruled. He had always thought they were a bit much for how he wanted his rule to go—peaceful, harmonious. It wasn’t _him_. He could bring them back when he needed to be fearful, but it was rare; he felt more at ease when the flames were out anyhow.

He was thinking about the flames when a guard came in and announced that “Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe” had arrived. 

He maintained his stoic appearance and nodded, permitting the guard to let Sokka in. The guard knew well that he and Sokka were the closest friends imaginable, but it was still his duty to announce his arrival and get permission to let him in.

The guard peeked his head out the door, and Sokka, holding a bag and his thick parka, walked in the throne room.

“Give us some time alone, please,” Zuko requested of the guard.

With a bow, the guard left, and Sokka watched him go and turned back to Zuko with a grin. 

“I’ll never get over that.”

Zuko got up from his throne and walked briskly to meet Sokka in the middle of the room. They shared a tight hug, holding one another close for what felt like an eternity. 

He breathed in the smell of the Southern Water Tribe and found himself comforted. “I’ve missed you, Sokka,” he said softly. He meant it.

Sokka moved a hand across his back, and Zuko felt his chest rumble with a chuckle. “I’ve missed you too, Fire Lord.”

Zuko nearly groaned. “You know you don’t have to call me that when we’re alone.”

The hug was broken, and Sokka was still grinning. “Yeah, but I can’t help it.”

The pair exited the throne room shortly after. Zuko told his guards that he wanted to escort Sokka to his room himself; he said to them that he wanted to see how things were going with the tribe, and while that was true, he mostly wanted to catch up with his companion.

It was late in the afternoon, and the hallways were still lit up with natural light as they made their way to his room. It didn’t take long for Sokka to fill the comfortable silence with conversation. “The Water Tribe hasn’t seen a lot of dangerous action lately,” he began. “The most exciting thing is probably that Aang and Katara are dating.”

Zuko chuckled. It had been a few weeks since he had seen either of them in person; they frequently sent letters to him, which was nice when times were rough. “Has he proposed yet?”

“Hell no.” Sokka grinned. “He’ll get there eventually.”

“We both know she’s going to say yes.”

“I think he does too. Last-minute anxiety, if I had to guess.”

Zuko nodded, and the pair turned down a hallway. Some gardeners were walking down the hallway, and at the Fire Lord’s sight, they both raised their hands and bowed in place. Both Zuko and Sokka stopped and returned the bow, with the former shooting the pair a smile. “I assume the turtleducks are enjoying the latest renovations to the pond?” he asked.

The pair froze in fear for a moment until one of them jabbed her partner with an elbow. In an instant, she spoke. “Yes, sir!” she replied. “We—We’ve been debating on putting in new shrubbery to give the ducklings more places to explore. We need to get it approved first, but—”

Zuko held up a hand to stop them from continuing. “Consider it approved by me personally. I think that sounds great.” He turned to Sokka, who watched the scene unfold with a small smile. “Doesn’t it, ambassador?”

It took everything in Sokka not to laugh. But he kept it together. “Yes, Fire Lord Zuko! That sounds wonderful.”

Zuko turned back to the girls, who were still clearly nervous to see him. “I hope to see progress on it in a few days? Let me know when you get started so that I can see it firsthand.”

The second gardener nodded eagerly. “Of course! We’ll sketch out plans immediately.” The pair bowed a second time and hurried off. Zuko and Sokka weren’t far when one of them muttered, “Holy _shit_ , that was the Fire Lord!”

Zuko and Sokka both laughed to themselves, careful to keep quiet so they wouldn’t hear. It was always interesting to see how people reacted around the Fire Lord, even if they knew he wasn’t cruel like his father, even if he had been in a position of power for ten years.

They continued down the hallway until they reached Sokka’s room for the month. It was one of the nicest guest rooms in the palace, reserved only for the most distinguished guests. In other words, it was for the Gaang when they decided to visit.

Sokka put down his bags and fell back on the bed, sighing in content. “I always forget how comfortable the beds are here.”

Zuko sat down next to him, straightening out the comforter with a hand. “Only the best beds for the Fire Nation palace,” he said.

Sokka patted the spot next to him. “C’mon, lay down a minute. You always look so tired.”

Zuko removed his headpiece from his topknot and laid down next to his friend. Sokka was right; even with the calmer state of the world and his adjustment to his status, Zuko still struggled to sleep for what was recommended for his health. When he wasn’t sleeping, he met with ambassadors worldwide to make sure things were still peaceful. He was drafting letters to varying leaders to ensure they didn’t need any assistance from the Fire Nation, whether it be supplies or economic aid. He often went to bed late into the night, and on most days, he rose with the sun to make the most of the day.

Zuko placed his headpiece on the mattress between him and Sokka, and he shut his eyes with a deep sigh. Sokka chuckled. “See? You need a breather. Good thing I’m here!”

Zuko opened one of his eyes and gave Sokka a side glance. “I can always count on you to force me to take it easy.”

Sokka grinned. “It’s what I’m here for.”

They laid in silence for a few minutes and relaxed. Zuko would never admit it out loud, but laying on that bed with his eyes closed was pleasant. He knew that Sokka would make sure nothing happened while he relaxed. He would notify him if he were needed somewhere. He trusted Sokka more than anyone.

Their relaxation was interrupted when a servant knocked on the door and let them know that dinner was ready. The pair climbed off of the bed and walked together to the dining hall, making small talk about what could possibly be served for dinner.

Dinner was relatively uneventful. The chefs served some sort of meat for dinner (Zuko knew what it was, but he hardly cared enough to think about it). The dining hall was filled with employees of varying status, all of them wanting to have a nice meal and relax for the evening.

All of them were excited to hear from Sokka. As an ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe and the possible-future-in-law of the Avatar himself, everyone there wanted to hear about anything that he had to say about his life. He didn’t mention much about Aang (“The Avatar’s business with my sister isn’t mine to share!”), but he _did_ talk about how much better the Southern Water Tribe was doing in terms of development. Zuko found himself hanging on to every word that he said.

His blue eyes sparkled when he talked about the Water Tribe. It made the Fire Lord think of the sparkling ocean water that surrounded the tribe. It was breathtaking. 

Once dinner concluded, and once plates were taken, darkness had fallen upon the Fire Nation. Perhaps it was because Sokka was there, but Zuko could feel a twinge of tiredness as he and Sokka made their way to his quarters to spend the evening together before they went to bed. Sokka was talking about the more personal matters of his life—his grandmother’s flourishing marriage to Master Pakku (and her recent 90th birthday celebration that Zuko had sent a gift for), new children that were born in the tribe, its growth from a shattered city to a developing hotspot—and anything he wouldn’t say in front of people he didn’t know in the dining hall. Zuko swore to visit the Southern Water Tribe soon, knowing it had been too long since he had stopped by.

They walked together into Sokka’s room and unloaded his bag together, hanging up any clothes that he brought with him in the closet. Sokka tossed himself into the armchair by the desk in the corner and stretched his legs. “I forgot how good Fire Nation food was… It’s so filling,” he said fondly.

Zuko sat on the edge of the bed and faced him. “It’s the most filling in the world if I had to guess.” He shed himself of his elaborate Fire Lord robes, placing them behind him across the mattress. “I’m sure it’s a lot different than what some people are used to.”

“I like it!” Sokka reached across the desk and grabbed at a scroll that laid in the corner. He unrolled it and perused it quickly, his eyebrows furrowing. “Ugh, trade agreements… and just as I was getting comfortable!”

Zuko laughed aloud and glanced over at the scroll. “We don’t have any big meetings until the day after tomorrow, at least. Tomorrow is a smaller one for a preliminary discussion. Monday is the bigger stuff, finalizing new plans or keeping old ones.”

“I think we can handle something like that.” Sokka rolled the scroll back up and put it back in its place. “It’s small compared to everything else we’ve dealt with over the years.”

Zuko’s memory flashed back briefly. A war. An abusive father. Betraying those he cared about and getting betrayed right back. Hating one another with a passion. It was just some of it.

He shuddered at some of the memories, a funny feeling lingering in his chest.

“...yeah. This is nothing.”

Sokka changed into his nightclothes shortly after, and it wasn’t long until Zuko yawned and was forced to go to his own quarters by Sokka. Thankfully, it wasn’t too far from Sokka’s room, so they could walk together to breakfast and the meeting in the morning. Once Zuko had changed into his pajamas and settled into bed, he fell asleep relatively quickly. 

His dreams were filled with Sokka. The blue eyes lured him to Ember Island, where they swam in the ocean and played games on the beach. Zuko wasn’t the Fire Lord. Sokka wasn’t an ambassador. They were teenagers, living a life that teenagers deserved to live. It wasn’t a life of war. It wasn’t a life of having nightmares over losing their mothers or being burned by their fathers or losing anyone to a pointless war. 

Sokka was laughing at Zuko’s bad jokes, laying on his back on a blanket. Zuko sat next to him, and he was drinking a drink that he couldn’t recognize. But it didn’t matter. He was with Sokka, and they were happy. Together.

It was sudden when Sokka pulled on his arm and made a move to kiss him. Zuko acted natural, leaning down and kissing him as if he had kissed him a thousand times. The sand was warm beneath their blanket, and the sun was shining. The world grew warmer when their lips met, if it was even possible, Sokka’s lips as soft as Zuko ever imagined them being.

And when his eyes opened, and he was awake, and he was back in his bed, he realized that that was all it was. His imagination.

He looked at the analog clock above his dresser, his eyes adjusting to the near darkness. It was almost 5 o’clock in the morning. Fuck. 

Zuko rubbed at his eyes, the remnants of his dream lingering when he closed them. His heart was racing; it wasn’t even for any good reason. It was for a fantasy, a desire that he would never get to live out. 

How would he ever get the courage to admit that he felt that way about his best friend? How could he confess that he had liked him for months at that point and thought about him in the most loving way? The answer is that he wouldn’t. It was impossible.

In the past, the time would present itself, and Zuko’s heart would beat in his ears, and he would wimp out. He knew that Sokka liked girls and guys. That wasn’t an issue. It was that Sokka would never want a guy like _him_. 

His earlier sleepiness evaded him, and Zuko sat up in his bed. He knew that he would never be able to fall back asleep, so he might as well take advantage of the early start to his day. He climbed out of bed, fixed his blankets, grabbed a robe from his closet, and threw it on. Even if it was the Fire Nation and still warm, the mornings in the palace were cooler than what Zuko preferred; the robe was pleasant. He put on some comfortable shoes before exiting.

He greeted the Kyoshi warrior that was posted outside his bedroom door with a silent wave. A walk would clear his mind. He would walk around the palace, perhaps sit in the garden for a bit. It would be enough to clear his mind before the meeting with Sokka. He had to think about the trade routes with the Southern Water Tribe, not his massive crush on its ambassador.

He remembered why walks through the palace were so peaceful in the first place. It was a way to keep his mind occupied and away from his dream, away from the man he loved and couldn’t. 

Walking by the garden, he decided that it was as good a place as any to relax. He walked through the garden with silent steps, sitting down beneath a tree with a deep sigh. He watched as a mother turtleduck nuzzled one of her babies with her bill, cleaning them of water or dirt. Zuko smiled at the sight.

“They’re cute, aren’t they?”

Zuko nearly jumped out of his skin. Hands raised and ready to firebend, he looked behind him to see none other than Sokka. He was still wearing his nightclothes, and his hair was out of its wolf tail, framing his face. He was beautiful.

Zuko lowered his hands. “Sokka?”

Sokka’s hands hovered over his chest, ready to defend himself. Despite his position, he was smiling. “Just me. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“What are you doing awake?”

Sokka moved to sit down to his right, watching the mother turtleduck as she went back to sleep. “I heard footsteps in the hallway and figured it was you. Being up early deserves company!”

A pang of guilt hit Zuko’s chest. He lifted his legs to his chest and rested his chin on his knees. “Sorry for waking you.”

Sokka waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it! I wake up really early at home. This is nothing.”

The pair sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, both of them watching the pond water ripple as a morning breeze blew. It was comfortable, and yet Zuko was nervous. 

He thought back to his dream. He remembered the feeling of Sokka’s lips on his, the sun on their backs. It was everything he wanted and everything he was convinced that he could never get.

His thoughts were interrupted when Sokka spoke up. “I know you only wake up this early when something’s up… Do you wanna talk about anything?” he asked.

Zuko looked over at him, and he felt his heart slow at the genuine stare that Sokka gave. It was those ocean blue eyes and all their irresistible captivation.

“You know me so well,” he said. He adverted his gaze from Sokka, purposefully ignoring his true request.

Sokka furrowed his brows. “So well to know that something’s bugging you, and I know it’s no trade agreement.” He slid a bit closer, their hips pressed together. “You know you can talk to me. You can tell me anything!”

“I know I can,” Zuko agreed quietly, “but… I don’t know _how_.” His voice felt so small, so meek. What kind of Fire Lord couldn’t admit his crush on someone?

“Oh.” Sokka put a hand on his chin in thought, remaining silent for a few more moments. “Well, there’s no rush to tell me anything. It’s just us out here. Maybe just start with what woke you? And then go from there.”

Zuko took a breath as he lowered his legs. It was just telling Sokka about his dream. It wasn’t saying he loved him. It was confiding in him! He had done it hundreds of times.

“Well, I had this dream,” he began carefully. “And it wasn’t a nightmare or anything, it was, um… it was actually really nice.”

Sokka smiled. “That’s good.”

“Yeah, um… it was. Almost too nice. Too good to be true.”

Zuko’s brain forgot everything about hiding how he felt. His mouth moved too quickly for comprehension.

“You were in it. We were on Ember Island, laying on a blanket on the beach. I had a drink, you were laughing at something I said. We were in our teens, not Fire Lord or ambassador or anything. We were just… living our lives.” Zuko closed his eyes, and it felt like he was there. He could feel the warmth of the sun all over again. “You reached up and grabbed my arm. It was immediately clear that you wanted to kiss me, and dreaming it, it sounds crazy, but then I did… and it seemed as if we had done it a million times, and it felt right.”

Zuko’s brain caught up to his mouth. His eyes shot open, and he stared deep into the pond. He wished that he was sitting at the bottom, away from the feelings that he had said aloud. He wanted to stop then, to go back to his room and never tell Sokka the full truth. Sokka deserved better than that, and so he kept on. “I think what it meant was that… it was what I really want with you. I want to sit on the beach of Ember Island and I want to sit in the sun and I want to kiss you. I-I never realized how badly I wanted it, and then I dreamt it, and—”

He cut himself off. Zuko knew that the hole that he had dug was just deep enough to be a grave. Appropriate. 

“I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore,” he finished. His voice was barely above a whisper. “I wouldn’t want to be, if I were you.”

The silence was almost unbearable. Zuko wanted to look at him, to see the disappointment in his eyes. He also wanted to avoid it, to avoid the inevitable end to their friendship. Ten years down the drain.

When Sokka didn’t speak, Zuko finally got the guts to look up at him. Much to his surprise, the ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe was smiling like a fool.

Their eyes met, and Sokka breathed out a near-silent laugh. “Zuko… Oh, Zuko. You don’t—You don’t understand.”

“What?” Zuko asked, confusion dripping from his words. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve… I’ve waited so long to hear one of us say it. I, um…” Sokka was suddenly very shy, rubbing at the back of his neck. His hair swayed with the breeze, and Zuko felt his heart tighten. He was _so_ beautiful. “I never thought that it would be you. I never thought that you would feel that way about me.”

Zuko moved so his body was facing Sokka. “Why wouldn’t you?”

“You’re the Fire Lord, for starters. Impossible standards on my end, hm?” Sokka shook his head. “You’re the most handsome man I’ve ever met, inside and out. No one has a heart as good as yours. No one cares about his people like you do. You’re selfless. You’re hilarious in your own way, even if you don’t think so. You’re so out of my league. It’s a little unfair.”

Zuko was dumbfounded. “I’m out of yours? I… I thought it was the other way around.” His cheeks heated up in a growing blush. He was so out of his element. “You’re the smartest person in the world. Your plans and ideas never fail to impress me. You… You’re so beautiful. Anything you do leaves my heart racing a thousand miles a minute. There is no one like you out there. You’re the best person in my life.”

He looked down at the grass that they sat on. “That’s why I waited so long… I could never lose you. You’re too important to me for me to lose.”

Why were his hands shaking so much?

“I never thought that you would feel that way about me,” Zuko mumbled. “Never.”

One of his shaking hands was grabbed by Sokka’s steady one. Zuko looked up and locked eyes with Sokka, who looked touched. “You’ll always have me. Even if I didn’t feel this way, I could never ditch you. But it’s a good thing that I do, hm? Because I can show you how important you are.”

He paused. “That is… if you want to? If you don’t want to, then—”

Zuko cut him off without a word. Maybe it was his heart acting for him, knowing what it really wanted. Maybe Zuko was hit with a new wave of confidence.

He reached up, grabbed Sokka’s sleep shirt with his free hand, and pulled him into a gentle kiss. It was sweet, not too intense but filled with more love than Zuko thought was possible. Sokka was temporarily shocked, but he eventually kissed back, equally sweet and equally loving.

It was a short kiss, but it left both of them breathless as they pulled away. The sky of the Fire Nation was turning orange with the sunrise, and the turtleducks had started swimming around the pond. They met eyes, and there was a pause before both of them smiled at the other.

Zuko’s heart was warm. Something told him that it would stay that way for a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> first official work for this fandom!! very excited
> 
> follow me on tumblr @zukkastanrights


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